​The beauty of inspiration lies in its reciprocity. 

The essence of human connection and the transformative power of inspiration lead us to become the best versions of ourselves. When we inspire others, we are often simultaneously inspired by their growth and progress. The cycle of inspiration becomes a continuous dance, where each person contributes to the upliftment of the other.

Far and near history, we have witnessed great leaders, mentors, and role models who have changed the course of humanity by igniting the flames of greatness within others. Their mere presence and actions have the incredible ability to awaken dormant aspirations, unlock hidden talents, and drive us toward unexplored horizons.

Throughout my journey, I've been fortunate to encounter exceptional mentors and leaders who believed in my capabilities, igniting a fire within me to reach new heights. Today, I am committed to paying it forward and inspiring others, empowering them to unleash their full potential.

But let's assume you lack that community and environment and are lost in your search for inspiration. How do you find that guiding force to propel you toward your full potential? The answer lies in being open to the world around us. Inspiration can be found in the stories of ordinary people accomplishing extraordinary feats, in the wonders of nature that remind us of the vast possibilities life offers, or in the wisdom of books and the arts that challenge our perspectives.

Furthermore, seeking out positive role models and surrounding ourselves with supportive individuals can also nurture our aspirations. Engaging in activities that align with our passions and values can serve as a wellspring of inspiration, motivating us to keep pushing boundaries and evolving.

Ultimately, the quest for inspiration is an ongoing journey, and the most potent form of inspiration can often be found within ourselves. Recognizing and embracing our unique gifts, acknowledging our strengths and weaknesses, and daring to dream big can ignite a fire within us that propels us to heights we once thought unattainable.

Saying "No" can feel uncomfortable, especially for people pleasers.

Still, if we want to reclaim control over our most precious resource—time in a world full of endless demands and commitments, in that case, it's time to practice the muscle of setting boundaries with grace and conviction to honor our needs. 

Saying "no" is not just about setting boundaries or avoiding false urgencies; it's about saying "yes" to unlocking the true potential for a balanced and fulfilling life. Pausing and checking in with ourselves may be a way of managing the pressure to respond instantly. This will help us gain time to truly understand whether it is a yes coming from the heart or due to feeling obligated or rushed into it. 

Moreover, there's a myth that saying "yes" to everything leads to success, especially for entrepreneurs or anyone who want to grow in their careers, cause a no can be a missed opportunity. But jumping on every request may cause exhaustion and confusion and make you feel lost in achieving the vision of your life and tracking your progress toward your goals. So instead, sometimes trust your gut and stick to your long-term plans, embrace the power of "no" and watch as it becomes your superpower. 

Here are some ways of saying no politely or asking for time to make an intentional decision:

 "I'll get back to you tomorrow/this week/in a few days."
"I don't have the capacity at the moment, can we raincheck in the near future?"
" I'd love to, but I have other pressing commitments."
"I'm afraid I must pass, but thanks for considering me."

Living a good life involves:

• Being true to oneself.
• Living by one's values and beliefs.
• Seeking growth and collaboration with others.

Forcing to fit in with others, conform to external expectations, and suppress one's true nature can create inner tension and discord, ultimately harming one's well-being.
True success lies not only in achieving personal goals but also in cultivating an inner balance that resonates with authenticity. By aligning our passions, values, and talents, we can discover a profound sense of fulfillment that can create a natural foundation for strong relationships.

Have you ever wondered what inspires you the most? Mostly, we get inspired by people authentically committed to their passions. You can see they genuinely project their love and enthusiasm in everything they do without false positivity and pretending like someone else.

What happens next when you get inspired? Your creativity, energy, and productivity unlock, and you fulfill your true potential. That's how inspiring others is important, and it is one of the most vital leadership qualifications. 

​In "The 'Inspire your Life' Podcast" with Arthi Rabikrisson, I answered her questions about my career journey. Many of you might already know my passion for music and professional development and how I worked hard to turn these passions into professional careers while continuing my career in healthcare. On top of it, as an immigrant, I had to reinvent my career from ground zero after moving overseas. Although I am not sure any part of my journey resonates with you and help to unlock your inspiration, I am sharing the links to this special interview below.

During my early years in college, I was very fond of my multi-tasking skills and fast-flowing thoughts. I remember encouraging myself to think about as many different topics from the selection of past to the future, which was a fun game, not knowing that this might lead to habits of distraction and restlessness. But, awed by the human brain's immense capacity, I now know that our responsibility is to train our brain with practices and patterns to leverage it properly.

Now, I am amused when I remember those days cause I have been trying to do the opposite and quiet my thinking after being introduced to meditation. I realized that I could not be present while running over the storylines in my mind. Being in the present moment means that we are aware and mindful of what is happening at this very moment. We are not distracted by ruminations on the past or worries about the future, but centered in the here and now.

Why being here and now is important?
Firstly, The present moment is the only reality and only moment. As Thich Nhat Han says, The present moment is the only moment available to us, and it is the door to all moments. Therefore, mindfulness and savoring the moment involve presently occurring experiences.
There are numerous benefits of being in the now, backed by many high-caliber studies proving that it is not a trendy lifestyle that may become outdated in the future. For example, according to a study, dispositional mindfulness (being present and savoring it) predicts positive emotions and residualize changes in psychological health. In this study, three indicators of psychological health were depressive symptoms, psychological well-being, and life satisfaction. Another study with cancer patients demonstrates that increases in mindfulness over time relate to declines in mood disturbance and stress. 

Breathe to be present
Many meditation techniques use various objects as the center of focus that you can repeatedly return to after sliding into distractive thoughts. My favorite one is focusing on the breath, which is our connection to life and simply to the present moment. Controlled long breathing can ease anxiety by increasing parasympathetic activity, a physiological message that we are safe and there is nothing to worry about. But here, I will briefly mention a different technique that can be used to stay present and savor the moment—dividing your attention between your breathing and surroundings without manipulating the pace of your breathing.

In this technique, your out breath should be an ordinary one with soft attention, and your surrounding is not an intrusion into your state but a joyous accompany. The aim is to flow with the everyday movement of life rather than achieving a particular state. It is a light relaxation attached to a sweet appreciation of the world around us with its ordinariness. There's a brief gap between your breath in and right before you breathe out. You can connect to yourself during that short pause and taste the joy of being alive. This is an effortless and pleasant way to direct the mind's focus from thinking to breathing and living.

What are you doing? This title of the section randomly caught me from one of my Thich Nhat Hanh's favorite books called "Your True Home." I used to read one page from that book every morning right after waking up, using this as an early morning mindfulness exercise. I believe in the power of morning routines and starting our day with the right foot. Unfortunately, passed Saturday was not one of those mornings. Right after waking up, I sensed a gas smell covering our place and just found out that there was a severe and life-threatening problem with our heating system, which turned into a whole battle with the provider company. 

And here it was, my day was slipping from my hands even though I didn't do anything wrong. I could observe that my emotional scale was abruptly turning towards frustration, weariness, and tiredness. All those heavy emotions were rushing and hijacking my early morning, which would have consequences throughout the day. I knew I had to do something, and I didn't want this unexpected incident to ruin my precious Saturday after a long, laborious work week.

But I eventually couldn't avoid it. I had to go with the flow; however, I didn't want to go with the flow! I wanted to control the flow. It was a mind game, life not letting me control the situation and me pushing back harder. Then I decided to take a proper break from this inner battle, make Turkish Coffee for myself, and check random articles while technicians were still working on it. That's when I saw the news of Thich Nhat Hanh's transition to eternity. He was a Vietnamese Buddhist monk who inspired and influenced many in their mindfulness journey for those who haven't heard of him. 

I instinctively wanted to read one of his books in my library. So I picked up "Your True Home" and opened a random page. The master's question 'What are you doing?' interrupted my intrusive Saturday drama. The genuine introspection followed by this question aligned me back with my true self. I took a deep breath, accepted the situation, and made adjustments in our place until the problem is resolved (as of Monday, it isn't fixed yet).

I know we have a myriad of experiences throughout our lifetime, and as Rumi says, being human is a guest house in which we should welcome and entertain all sorts of thoughts and emotions that come with it. But finding joy effortlessly in different parts of life is the essence of true peace and happiness. Of course, it is not easy always, but it doesn't mean that we shouldn't try. 
​
Now I convey the message of a sage man and ask you: What are you doing? I hope this question will find you at a time you most need.
​

Every year, a combination of emotions presents itself at the start of the year. These may include motivation, stress, sadness, and hope, the sort of feelings that are obviously rooted in leaving another year behind and embarking on a fresh one. Having a fresh start sounds so appealing for us all, especially now, since we are all highly overwhelmed by the restrictions of the pandemic. That is partially what a "New Year’s resolution" serves for, boosting our dopamine levels by creating pleasant anticipations for the upcoming year. I bet most of you have tried to begin a New Year’s resolution, even while knowing that the success rate is controversial. According to a study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, those who set New Year's resolutions are ten times more likely to change their behavior than those who don't set these yearly goals. I honestly love setting new goals as a ritual for the upcoming year (which I mentioned in one of my previous blog posts.
 
Over time, I learned that reviewing and evaluating my recent past before planning for the future strategically steers my plans in a more realistic and accurate direction. I would call this pre-step "Reflecting on the Previous Year" and definitely add this extra step before pondering upon your New Year goals. This pre-step focuses on contemplating our achievements and the struggles of the previous year before setting the brand-new plans for the upcoming one. Why is this introspective step critical to our success? 
 
Here is a list of items that will help us with a demonstration.

1. Be realistic about our capabilities. Analyze the gaps between our life circumstances and our aspirations to avoid false hopefulness
 
I have met with brilliant people in the past and received some project offers, but I must admit working full time, coaching professionals and being a musician requires a delicate balance in time management and limits my time for extra projects. Therefore, though I love creative work, I decided to be more realistic about the number of projects that I will commit to in 2022.
 
2. Identify the areas that we struggled with, so we can find solutions or seek help regarding the areas that we would like to improve 

  My Three Major Struggles Of The Past Year

• I drifted away from my workout and healthy eating discipline for the first couple of months of the year.
• I drifted back to watching TV as a habit
• I lost my consistent music practice discipline and slowly gained it back

 
I hired a health coach to help me stick with my healthy lifestyle goals towards the end of 2021. It has helped me a lot, especially to reinitiate my workout and healthy eating goals, thus I will keep having a support person who can keep me accountable in that area until I can fly solo again.
 
3. Celebrate small/big victories and be kind to ourselves 
​
   An Excerpt Of My Wins Of 2021

• Organized and facilitated a wellness conference for the first time. I learned how my years of meditation practice could help my coaching clients. As a result, I recorded my first two meditations
• Accepted to Tasha Ten Group
• Transitioned to Pharma which took time to adjust (this can be listed in the struggles section as well)
• Visited my family after a tough pandemic year
• Recorded my first drum-bass cover video
• Passed the Board Exam for Coaching
• Helped many beautiful people to achieve their goals with many hours of coaching
• Published articles, blog posts/newsletters
• Connected with many inspiring people and built motivational relationships

 
This exercise can take as short/long as you want. Mine took around 10-15 minutes, and now IT IS YOUR TURN!
 

 Though there is a good amount of argument favoring sharing our goals publicly will improve the rate of goal attainment, I am cautious with that notion for I see value in the opposite. Here are my reasons:
In sharing goals publicly, people may have a tendency to give you advice and feedback that is unsolicited.  This advice sometimes turns into dumping their own projections, negative thoughts, and experiences on you which may affect your self-confidence or even the possibility of your triumph. According to research, especially for beginners, receiving negative feedback may decrease the strength in the commitment to their goals. 
That’s what almost happened to one of my coaching client who is at the very early stage of his career in Pharmacy. After earning his PharmD two years ago, he was trying to get a full-time hospital pharmacist position without having completed a residency. When he shared this goal with close friends and peers he kept getting the same response: “There is no way you can get a hospital gig without a residency especially in the current Pharmacy job market.” (According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics’ most recent occupational outlook, the Employment of pharmacists is projected to decline 2 percent from 2020 to 2030). My coachee was told that even if he had a chance to find one, he would receive a very low hourly pay because he was a new graduate with no experience. In my career coaching, there is emotional work that accompanies the practical strategies that we follow through and after working together, not only was he able to get a job offer in a top healthcare institute in his area, he also received a higher hourly rate than he was initially hoping to get. It is in our best interest to avoid the pessimistic comments we receive from those in our environment. This applies broadly to all areas of our lives but especially in our careers; before embracing any impossibility in our mind, we should reach for more data and not count on just a few people’s experiences. Even though “the impossible idea” might get support from the majority, you can be that person that is excluded from a general statement depending on your strong desire to reach your objective. Another downside of oversharing your goals, you may end up with people asking about your progress. Why do I call it a downside? Isn’t this supposed to create a positive impact and accountability? Well, it depends. There is a sensitive balance between attachment vs non-attachment from the outcome when you’re working towards your target. Doing your best without attaching to the outcome can not be easily done, especially when you have people who keep asking about your results. For example, one of my clients was sharing all the little tiny details about her career goals with her parents, which was creating some sort of stress whenever she was going through a challenge in her path because she was having conflicts with her parents and spending all of her energy to convince them, which is as if creating another battlefield in an immense war to achieve. A simple question helped her… “Are your parents experienced professionals in your field and can they give qualified advice?” The answer was “No.” The second follow-up question was “ Okay, if their input has no tactical value other than creating more pressure on you, can you share your goal after you achieve it and how does that make you feel?” It was a total relief...

I am not suggesting not connecting with family or loved ones but sometimes even the closest people can create some sort of negative stress, all the while we are trying to stay motivated and positive on the challenges that we have embarked. Instead of sharing your goals randomly with people without any purpose, share them with a small group, a mentor, peer, or a coach whom you trust their judgment and are sure that they won't pull you down. Tasha Eurich, calls this group “loving critics” in her profound work on self awareness. Loving critics are whom we should seek feedback from in our professional, leadership, and career development. I think this is also applicable to the situations when we seek not only feedback but also advice and information regarding our career goals. It is not guaranteed that these opinions will always be positive and encouraging but it is up to us how we use this information as tactics to implement our next strategy or just ignore them.

​It has been more than two years since I visited my home in Turkey. After arriving home, I began to check every object and look at pictures to reconnect with memories. That's when I found my old journals and kept reading them all. In her book Insight, Tasha Eurich lists keeping a journal as one of the biggest myths or follies that we all assume to use for introspection - the ability to consciously examine our thoughts, feelings, motives, and behaviors. Interestingly, her study results, which are aligned with many others, showed that not all introspection efforts, including journaling, help us become more self-aware - knowing ourselves. That's where I found myself with my efforts as I turned the pages. I struggled with reading the early years of my journaling since I was initially using my notebook as a safe place to vent. Thankfully, the more I read through pages, the more I could see the improvement in my mindset. My journals evolved from being a place to calm down in order to see things objectively and transitioned to ask myself questions on how to improve. How can I change my habits of falling into the same cycles? What are my triggers, what other practices can I learn and apply, etc.?
 
Serendipitously, I found myself reading my old journals concurrently with the chapter in "Insight" that focused on journaling's effect on our self-awareness. This brought the question, "Is Journaling one of the most effective ways to get in touch with our inner self?" Journaling is accepted as one of the most beneficial tools for improving mental health and self-development. Still, a growing body of research suggests that introspection via journaling has surprising traps that can suck the insight right from the experience and diminish processing valuable information unexpectedly. In her book, Tasha shares that in some studies, individuals who journal show more self-reflection but less insight, and journalers are more anxious. Yet, many highly self-aware achievers reported keeping journals. Tasha believes that the resolution lies not in questioning whether journaling is the right thing to do but instead discovering how to journal. 
 
Another debatable part is if journaling should be a daily activity or not. I have found conflicting scientific data around that. Still, I can tell that I have worked with numerous coaching clients who enjoy journaling, but not doing it daily creates more stress and diminishes the benefits. Thus, I encourage them to enjoy this activity and not focus on the quantity but the quality. When it is done right, journaling is accepted as being beneficial for Mental Health. A simple internet research with the keywords of "Benefits of Journaling" will take you to numerous articles suggesting the health benefits of journaling. Some even claim that writing strengthens our immune system, which we need its protection more than ever nowadays. 
 
After reading all the convincing data, the question "How to Journal?" arises. The majority of the resources point out the method of "Expressive writing," the process of self-expression through writing. We explore both our emotions and thoughts, which will help us find meaning in traumatic and stressful events. Venting emotions alone in a notebook without exploration or pondering won't be sufficient. In fact, initial writing about trauma may trigger distress and physical and emotional arousal, researchers have found. According to a study, writers focusing on thoughts and emotions developed a greater awareness of the positive benefits of the stressful event than the other group focusing on emotions alone. Writers focusing on emotions alone reported more severe illness symptoms during the study than those in others. This effect appeared to be mediated by a greater focus on negative emotional expression during writing. 
 
Many studies continue to explore the benefits of journaling in human health, and even some researchers are offering it as a stress relief method at work. To summarize, journaling may give you the power to look into solutions after processing the thoughts and feelings related to the events. Instead of diving into self-absorption, you may distance yourself from the events to better understand others' perspectives, possibilities, and actions to take.  The Center for Journaling Therapy ‘s WRITE acronym may provide a better clarity about the steps to effective journaling.
 
W hat topic?
R eview/reflect
I nvestigate
T ime yourself
E xit smart

What I've learned from life is that internal change cannot be enforced; it should be a personal choice which comes with a burning desire.
 
In one of the coaching training I received, there is a concept of slow to change vs. fast to change types of clients, and as a coach, it has been mind-blowing to see the difference between my clients' tendency to change. In a couple of sentences, slow changers are the ones who need to trust change and move slowly into action. They need to find out how they really feel about something to get to the point where they can say "Now I'm ready to take action". Slow changers are not against change; they just like to process in their own time. On the other hand, fast chargers are ready to take action right away, which may seem to spin you around by their quick decision making. Their way of processing can take place during the change while taking action. A fast changer doesn't mean a quick learner. Quite the contrary, slow changers can be quick learners as well. Either is not better than the other though it may sound like being a fast changer is good. 
 
One of my extraordinary coaching clients recently transitioned to her dream job right after three sessions which awed me in many ways. As a former researcher and science-focused person, I wanted to dissect and analyze everything she did since we've started but I know by experience that there can be multiple factors behind this success. One thing that I can emphasize is her attitude and dedication to change her mindset. She defines herself as a professional who helps her patients and colleagues with her high ethical values and work commitments. The core reason is straightforward...She cares for others and for the quality of her work. We were able to direct these personal strengths towards herself and use them as tools for her goals and improvement. 
 
Change Takes Courage for sure. Whether you are fast or slow to change, the key might be being aware of your true nature and making adjustments accordingly. 

​Be human, not perfect... This was the message that lingered in my mind long after our session with Bruce Kasanoff in one of Tasha Ten’s meetings. Bruce is a social media ghostwriter and a LI influencer who lives according to a philosophy of doing well by doing good. And his advice that resonated and I kept in my heart is a reflection of doing good to ourselves as a crucial key to doing well. There were numerous, mind-stretching topics discussed, but why did I ponder the one that simply disproved this unnecessary chase of perfectionism? Because I have a scar on my soul related to this matter. 
 
As a daughter of a highly respected surgeon, I was raised in a family culture based off of perfectionism. I understood my father's reasons for his tendency to be foolproof after observing him perform one of his operations live. When you hold another human's flesh, blood, and life in both hands, you have no choice but to be flawless. It is a sacred responsibility that comes with a lot of concerns. This rightful habit of his was passed on to me in the form of anxiety, which is the pure outcome of perfectionism, because your focus is always the ideal future moment where you hit the bull's eye and match the unmatchable. I suffered from anxiety but mostly performance anxiety for years without knowing where it was rooted from until one day Lawrence Watson, my close friend and vocal instructor, pointed out that I have stage anxiety because I am a perfectionist. That was a breakthrough moment for me and the best feedback I received which settled the stones in my mind. My performance anxiety used to flare up mostly when I had extremely talented and acknowledged musicians among the audience. Since I saw them as excellent performers, I had to match that criteria with my performance, leading to uncontrollable sympathetic symptoms that my body was feeling, like thinking it was in danger and not letting me relax and perform in a natural state. A healthy amount of excitement and anxiety is always welcomed in the performing arts, but it is almost impossible when your body is set into a fight or flight response. Furthermore, we are currently bombarded by the ideal images of physical bodies, careers, achievements, and many other idealistic potentials, which surge our cravings to be members of a desired utopia. The thrill of the chase to be absolute feeds the unease that alienates us from the here and now, where the peace of mind exists.
 
After my Aha! moment built up on my self-awareness, I decided to take some action and to cherish being imperfect. Knowing your flaws and improving yourself differs from being your worst and most atrocious critic, as in being highly hostile towards yourself—which is the opposite of Bruce's philosophy; you do mental self-harm and don't be well at all. Thus, self-compassion is among the most beneficial remedies against it. Loving yourself with all of your current realities and giving permission just to be the way you are, has profound effects on the mind and soul. In the self-criticizing moments, giving a three-minute self-compassion break will neutralize the damage. (Perfectionism turns out to be a form of self-damage.)
 
As I mentioned earlier, focusing on the present moment and using mindfulness tools will help you combat against these self-crucifying moments. I have had numerous high achieving clients who suffer from not checking all the items of off their unrealistic self-expectations due to a massive gap between what they have in real life and their ideal scenarios. Focusing on the present moment is not just for meditation practices; it should be a continuous effort that helps us stay grounded and live in real-time. Moreover, according to research, psychological well-being is improved when people abandon their unrealistic goals. 
 
Bruce offers that we make it far easier for people to relate to us and our insights when we share a genuine and open picture of ourselves. Though it may not be easy in practice, it is a clear way of living candidly. And additionally, the perspective of being genuine and true to ourselves about our reality, current conditions, and still keeping up with the commitment to our growth in a healthy way will turn our life into a beautiful experience. 

May is the national mental health awareness month and it should remind us to acknowledge all the positive efforts supporting and improving the individual and the collective mental health. The White House has emphasized the importance of attending to mental health, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic, in a recent briefing. Unfortunately, the pandemic has negatively impacted the mental health of people of all ages and has also created barriers to treatment.  
 
Mental Health America, a non-profit organization committed to promoting mental health as a critical part of overall wellness, reports that even before COVID-19, the prevalence of mental illness among adults was increasing, and youth mental health is continuously worsening. Among the reasons for this outcome might be the healthcare system's unmet need for mental health treatment, the percentage of adults with mental illness who are uninsured, and of course, the stigma of mental illness. More than ever, it is critical to reduce the stigma around mental health struggles because that stigma often prevents individuals from seeking help.
 
How about our own personal stigma against our emotional fluctuations and mental state? How much are we considerate and proactive about our mental wellness? We have all been shaped by our environments and our genetic composition to react to life's circumstances. We all are made up of neurons, neurochemicals transit our brains which are expressed due to the changes in our physical and emotional state, and the brain is the pilot that guides our existence. Our most current reality puts our brains under ongoing stress. The response to it can be a myriad of emotions and all based on current, past, and even future scenarios that can hinder us or propel us to different actions.  
 
We must honor these responses. We must listen and understand that there are emotions that we must process.  We are not here to hide our feelings; suppressing them would be damaging.  We are humans who are not meant to muscle through life and ignore the aspects of ourselves that need tending to; just because they are not expressed by some actual physical response, such as a bleed or a sprain, human emotions need care. Untreated emotions will yield to further sickness.  It is not just mental sickness, but your being; your body will not function.  The emotions that hurt us, hurt all.  We process things differently from the person sitting next to us or even raised alongside us.  A need to understand ourselves is nothing to single out and stigmatize anyone. 
 
What should you do should you experience emotions that are difficult to surpass, such as persistent sadness, reliving past traumas, apathy, anxiety, extreme highs of emotions followed by extreme dips of emotions, to name just a few?  You must seek out help. Help can come from a trained professional in the form of a counselor, social worker, therapist, psychiatrist, or psychologist. There should never be any stigma around our need for mental assistance.  When we bleed, we go to doctors, and the same goes for these emotions; they are gushing and requesting attention.  
 
Mental Health America put together "Tools 2 Thrive" providing practical tools that everyone can use to improve their mental health and increase their resiliency regardless of their personal situation. The toolkit includes valuable resources on the following topics:

• Adapting after trauma and stress
• Dealing with anger and frustration
• Getting out of thinking traps
• Processing big changes
• Taking time for yourself
• Radical Acceptance

 
To care for ourselves is not simply a physical component; we do not just meet basic physical needs, and we are well--there is more to it.  The awareness that you are a being that is capable of transcending the experiences that are placed before you can lead to a fulfilled life.  We honor ourselves by being true to this.  We are here, and we matter.  Mental health is vital to thrive in life.  
 
 

“We can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly.” Brene Brown
You have heard prior that you cannot pour from an empty cup or that you must put your mask on first before helping anyone else, and there are plenty of other phrases that are meant to incite you to take care of yourself. These phrases hold the essence of compassion, self-compassion. You cannot extend kindness to others if you cannot extend it to yourself.
 
We live in a world where there is so much that is going on outside of ourselves. We work to keep up with demands imposed by others, and we tend to leave ourselves last. This is a recipe for burnout and the emotional challenges of impatience, anger, and depression. It is imperative that you dedicate allotted time daily for acts of self-care. We have talked about this before, and we are in agreement, there are studies about the need for all employees, most notably the healthcare workers under increased pressure to give and perform, to find time to care for themselves.  
 
We know that self-care can be many things. It can be a bath, a walk, retail therapy, exercise, a good book, and anything your heart desires that will allow you to feel joy, release, and peace. You can create rituals where you will find your routine to unwind. The time you give to you will help unleash a cascade of other ways unique to you to begin to care for yourself. Pencil this time in your schedule daily, and the positive changes will start to be seen by you and felt by those around you.
 
Self-care will lead to a more optimistic approach in your day; you will swell with more positive thoughts. You will inevitably want to treat yourself nicely. Your words and thoughts will change for you to know that you have always been worthy of care and who better give it to you than you. The inner talk can be reversed and that self-critical thinking will become self-loving. The time you give to yourself will foster an internal connection that you will cherish.
 
Self-care will lead to increased inner peace. You will know that your routine is set up, and that will assist you in releasing the day and all those pesky scenarios that do not serve you. Your connection to this present state, the mindful moment, will yield an understanding that your anxious thoughts of the future and the past are but gone with practice.    
 
Remember this always:

1. To be kind and loving, you must be kind and loving to yourself.
2. To be respectful of others, you must hold respect for yourself.  
3. To be peaceful among others, you must find peace in yourself.  

 
Re-read the above three statements. Here is an invitation to find ways to give yourself care, kindness, and love. Hold space daily for yourself. This will then allow you to extend to others those beautiful gifts that you give--time, energy, and love. We are always giving to others, turn around and give to ourselves, and see our world shift.

Healthcare professionals choose patient care for altruistic reasons, yet mostly expecting there will be challenges and obstacles along the way. This is especially striking when considering how being in the service of a fragile population who require help isn't an easy task. With this in mind, many are motivated and adamant about improving patients' health and quality of life — until they get hit by the reality of the working conditions and deteriorated healthcare work culture. Compassionate care is expected from healthcare workers to improve the patient experience and ease suffering. How would the healthcare workplace change if we could reflect compassion and kindness to our colleagues in work environments, since many healthcare professionals are suffering from diverse health problems and struggling with their health?

What makes it too stressful to work in healthcare/patient care?

According to research, approximately 40% of healthcare workers show permanent health problems mostly related to heavy workload and work stress (Worringer et al., 2020). Healthcare workers are stressed due to many reasons as there are personnel shortages, increasing workload, rapidly expanding knowledge base, changing government regulations, malpractice suits, longer working hours, high clientele expectation and peculiar problems, and the hazard of workplace (workplace violence). These conditions turn the workplace into high-pressure environments while providers are expected to show extensive empathy towards others. These factors often lead to emotional burnout, which may subsequently lead to reduced achievement motivation, reduced job satisfaction, increased interpersonal conflict, and compassion fatigue (Scarlet et al., 2017). Compassion fatigue and employee engagement are correlated when providers are too physically and emotionally exhausted to feel compassion for others. It is clear that humans cannot show compassion towards others when they are not mentally and emotionally at peace. 

Health Problems of Healthcare Workers

Moreover, there is increased morbidity in healthcare workers compared to the general population. Some data shows that even a medical field specialty can determine how long you live or how sick you could become (Gorman et al., 2013). Due to the SARS-CoV-2 outbreak, its psychological pressure has spiked and many people serving in healthcare are facing suffering from PTSD, anxiety, and depression. When it comes to seeking help for mental sufferings, healthcare workers are reluctant, which might be because of two preventing barriers: career advancement and concerns over confidentiality (Mohanty et al., 2019). An individual experiencing emotional exhaustion is also likely to experience depression and might struggle to give compassion to others, receive compassion from others, or practice self-compassion (Scarlet et al., 2017).

Can Compassion be Taught?

There has been a historical discussion regarding if compassion can be taught. Some medical educators claim that students naturally pick up compassion during their training while interacting with suffering patients. We can not underestimate the influence of professional role models on integrating genuine compassion in work environments. However, it may be hard to distinguish between  compassion that is truly felt from compassionate behavior that is imitated. 

There are various compassion specialists in the field who are doing meaningful work. Dr. Kristen Neff is one of the leading experts who has done lots of projects on self-compassion. Dr. James R. Doty, the founder of CCARE, offers compassion cultivation training and conducts research focusing on the benefits of implementing compassion in the medical education curriculum and work environment. A study led by his team specifically sought to investigate whether Compassion Cultivation Training (CCT) reduces work-related burnout, interpersonal conflict and increases mindfulness, compassion toward self, and job satisfaction scores. The general conclusions are that CCT may improve healthcare providers' health, such as self-reported mindfulness, self-compassion, compassion toward others, and interpersonal conflict. The results supported the correlation between compassion and improvement of mental health resilience in healthcare workers, thereby improving patient care (Scarlet et al., 2017). More studies and conversations will happen around this area, considering the increase of the healthcare workforce's mental struggles. Work culture affects people's emotional health because emotions can be contagious; thus, being proactive and promoting compassion and kindness among colleagues is definitely a part of the solution.

Barriers to implementation of compassion into work environments/leadership

Compassionate culture amongst healthcare staff and a healthy work environment are essential to improving patient experiences and improved clinical outcomes. If this notion is inevitable both for patients' and the workforce's health and safety, why is it so hard to apply it? Significant barriers are making this more complicated than it sounds. Burnout, anxiety, and depression are the common mental barriers against compassion. If a person feels under threat, the mind's compassionate components likely turn off, and instead finds ways of protecting oneself from potential danger. It is clear that the current healthcare system undermines the existing compassion in the workforce.
 
Until recently, most initiatives to address clinician burnout have focused on improving the resilience of individuals. These measures are necessary but insufficient. It is now recognized that organizations have a significant role in causing, preventing, and mitigating clinician burnout (Campling, 2015). Organizations must address burnout because resilience won't withstand unsupportive or toxic organizational cultures, mostly if those who speak up are silenced or forced to leave. Moreover, compassionate leadership won't endure inadequate resources (including short-staffing) and insufficient support. Evidence shows that "happy staff makes happy patients," and investing in staff well-being and support is a clear leadership priority. There must be an institutional commitment to enhancing autonomy, transparent communication and working collectively for better poor work conditions. 

Leadership must be proactive and take concrete actions to create a compassionate work culture before it reaches an unturnable level where the workforce can not provide compassion for their patients. Healthcare leadership and organizations can invite skilled coaches into the process of creating a more compassionate and kind work culture. As a valuable resource, coaching (personal, professional, or in a group setting) will shed light on both individual and collective barriers and struggles in implementing compassion and will lead to self-chosen transformational solutions and goals to make desired changes and outcomes. Although leaders might be the ones making more significant decisions, the organizations should offer coaching services at any level of the staff members. This way, all workforce will take an active part in this process.

​The work culture in healthcare is fragile and easy to deteriorate due to the stress and mental burden; for that reason, these actions and efforts should be continuous. Compassionate behavior towards our patients or our colleagues will only be truly internalized when it becomes an indispensable virtue of the system and professional network.


References

1. Worringer, B., Genrich, M., Müller, A., Junne, F., & Angerer, P. (2020). How Do Hospital Medical and Nursing Managers Perceive Work-Related Strain on Their Employees? International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 17(13), 4660–. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph17134660
2. Scarlet, J., Altmeyer, N., Knier, S., & Harpin, R. (2017). The effects of Compassion Cultivation Training (CCT) on health‐care workers. Clinical Psychologist (Australian Psychological Society), 21(2), 116–124. https://doi.org/10.1111/cp.12130
3. Gorman, T., Dropkin, J., Kamen, J., Nimbalkar, S., Zuckerman, N., Lowe, T., Szeinuk, J., Milek, D., Piligian, G., & Freund, A. (2013). Controlling health hazards to hospital workers. New Solutions, 23 Suppl, 1–167. https://doi.org/10.2190/NS.23.Suppl
4. Mohanty, A., Kabi, A., & Mohanty, A. (2019). Health problems in healthcare workers: A review. Journal of Family Medicine and Primary Care, 8(8), 2568–2572. https://doi.org/10.4103/jfmpc.jfmpc_431_19
5. Campling, P. (2015). Reforming the culture of healthcare: the case for intelligent kindness. BJPsych Bulletin, 39(1), 1–5. https://doi.org/10.1192/pb.bp.114.047449

​TARGETED LIVING: ARE YOU APPLYING INTENTION?
 
How many thoughts cross our minds in a matter of minutes? How many emotions do we feel throughout our days? And how many times a day do we proclaim with our voices our thoughts and through our feelings? I want to bring to your attention these questions for your pondering. If we are honest, we think, feel and say so many things daily. Many a time, these thoughts, emotions, and words are done so without direction. We can cultivate powerful skills to use our abilities as humans that think, feel, and communicate to redirect the course of our lives. I tell you it is possible. What does it take? Well, it will take commitment and practice. 
 
Use the Mind-Body Connection for Your Leverage
The ancient wisdom acknowledges the deep connection between the body, thoughts, and emotions has been backed up by science. Our brain and body are connected through neural pathways, which communicate via neurotransmitters, hormones, and other chemicals. Think of the fight or flight response. When we think that we are under attack or in danger, our sympathetic system takes control and begins to regulate all the vital organs in our body in order to survive. What great power, look what our mind did? Why not try using this connection, the power of thought, for our emotional goals and personal improvement? 
 
Tony Robbins is among the coaching greats whose practice mainly depends on the control over this triple wire. Taking from a page in Tony Robbins's Emotional Mastery Triad method refers specifically to: Physiology, Focus, and Language. Physiology is referring to your body and the emotions this produces. Directing your deliberate attention to your physical body and checking in with your posture during the day may have surprising results in regulating your mood and emotions. In one of the training that I attended, our instructor pointed out that it is easier to direct our physical body, which profoundly influences our thoughts and emotions, by engaging in action rather than directly controlling them. For example, if you would like to feel happier, you can not force your mind to feel happier, but if you put a smile on your face then the positive effect will follow. Thus, we can deliberately choose our thoughts and emotions through a healthier funnel by using the body's wise connection to both of these attributes.
 
We are being urged to care for our bodies to yield emotions that are connecting us to ourselves. When we feel good within, we tend to feel good all over. 
 
Prefer a Constructive Language over Destructive
Another powerful tool for emotional mastery is our daily language; now, this is both audible and inaudible. We use words to speak internally as part of our thought system, and we use our words to talk out loud to others. We want to assess the nature of our language; when we use words that are draining, negative, and repetitive these become part of our reality. For our body feels the thoughts and words we speak, we become the creators of worldly existence. Deliberately choosing more compassionate and loving language even during our internal chatter will have profound effects.
 
Where Focus Goes Energy Flows
This is one of the most famous TR moto, which is hard to object to. If our mind is constantly focusing on things that are not of benefit for us, all our energy is taken to focus on the opportunities that may be showing up for us, but we are too busy thinking about other things. We can reset through the calming of the mind, which can be achieved by way of meditation or some other cathartic action, such as yoga or a walk, your choice. 
 
The reality is we create the life we want to lead, whether it is haphazard or by intention. 
 
 

​Nowadays, whomever I speak to seems to complain about a general feeling of demotivation and possible numbness to life.   We have yet to name this exactly, but all that it can be attributed to it seems we can only call it pandemic fatigue. The feeling is as if we lost our mojo and our reason to push forward no longer seems to exist with the same prior drive. It is permeating into our emotional capacity.  
 
Recently, a friend mentioned to me that she has started watching Turkish soap operas to remind herself of the diversity of emotions that exists, or at least once existed but seems not available anymore for this present state has us all feeling like we are living in the movie "Groundhog Day". (A note for the reader--Turkish soap operas can incite the best emotional experience of a roller coaster ride if you need a good laugh after a heavy cry). Most certainly, I can relate to all this, for even just yesterday, I was struck by the severity of this fatigue in 2 events I was a witness to and thus noticed how it sneakily diminishes motivation.
 
Firstly, my highly talented guitar student, capable of shredding a Slash/GunsNRoses solo, has been showing poor performances these last couple of months. She has been stuck on the same guitar riff that is quite playable for her for over a month. Obviously, this young lady is having difficulty finding the motivation to practice the instrument of her choosing and brought her such joy. It is not her guitar playing skills; it is this lack of inspiration that has crept in. 
 
Then, I had a coaching session with a client who has shown progress through an inspiring shift in her mindset and her career goals. But yesterday, she began our session by questioning whether she should give up on her dream field and everything else, all the plans and effort she placed in achieving this. As I heard her speak, inside, I was shouting, "Wait! What?!!!" but from the outside, I was trying to stay calm, since I am her coach, I can not judge and manipulate any of her decisions. I felt that I did not understand her reasons very well. There were so many emotions, and then I saw the pandemic as being a culprit as she continued to speak. She went on to say that she couldn't see her family since this pandemic started, which is a heartache that I feel daily. She was tired, missed the human connections with loved ones, and was about to make a drastic decision. 
 
Sadly, I can keep going with similar cases, and you may relate to all this yourself. So, what do you do about it?  I can tell you one thing, feeling demotivated is a symptom of the accumulation of solid emotions, events, and routines that may be out of your control, and sometimes we are being called to do a quick pulse check to interrupt the reverse flow of events.  We must acknowledge what we feel and thus begin our journey back out from under the gray clouds. 
 
During this period, the best thing to do is to show endless love and compassion to ourselves. Knowing this experience is felt by others as well and reviving that internal motivation by taking care of yourself. As in the “Groundhog Day” movie, Phil (Bill Murray) freed himself from living the same day over and over by accepting his situation as a blessing and dedicating his time to help others and his growth.
 
Below you will find a list of small exercises that will bring back the mojo, the joyeux de vivre, the spark, or whatever you may want to call it.
 
1- Start the new day with exercise and meditation. Our physiology influences our mood, and our physical body is the most available tool to boost motivation
2- Clarify your priorities to find meaning and purpose related to your goals regularly.
3- Start small and focus on small wins. Give yourself rewards after each achievement.
4- Ask for help and share your struggles with your circle of connections. Connect with people who have positive effects on you.
5- Integrate fun and joy moments as your daily routines. Those moments will boost your happiness which will trigger your motivation.
6- Be compassionate to yourself and give intentional breaks. Care for yourself!

Nazan Artun PhD, RPh
 
When we start our life journey, we have the least responsibility for making decisions since all of our needs are mostly taken care of by our parents. In time, we deviate internally towards being accountable for our actions and not depending on others. This transition might be enormously challenging without getting distracted, demotivated, or blaming others. In psychology, there is a concept called locus of control, which attributes to the belief that we control the situations and experiences that affect our lives, linked to well-being (1). Most people have either an internal or external locus of control. Those with an internal locus of control believe that their actions matter and are the authors of their destiny. Those with an external locus of control attribute outcomes to circumstances or chance (2). Commitment to our progress takes its strength from accountability, which is a willingness to accept responsibility for our actions. It affects our performance and us reaching our goals.
 
If the progress and change you are looking for are indispensable for you and you would like to find the strength rooted in an internal locus of control, that's when you may need a coach to walk that journey with you. Though investing a budget into coaching is a sign of your commitment to your goals, but let's say that you do not currently have the account to hire a coach. What then? What would you do?
 
I wrote a list of tips for you to self-coach yourself. Each new year will bring new hope for new goals. Hope is a significant contributor to our mental and physical well-being, which is influenced by the ability to shape our lives. How we perceive the future can significantly affect how we feel in the present. I would love to see you all achieving your goals and be happy!
 
Stay motivated
Having a long-lasting motivation might not be easy, especially since we usually reach a plateau shortly after our motivation declines. Our brains are programmed to crave the anticipation to experience and look to the future, where every exciting possibility begins (3). The decline in our motivation in time is inevitable, considering the expectation of practicing something new is (change to being) not new anymore. Keeping the excitement of your goal, fresh and lively might be among the key factors. To do that:
•          Set reminders and create a vision board related to your goal. Our brains love visuals, especially which take us to the future moments of achievement. Additionally, deliberate visualization is among the best tools to boost your motivation (4).
•          The more you're realistic about your goals seeing the actual results will naturally induce long-lasting motivation. Moreover, you feel more control over your life, which, in a way, enhances the feeling of hope for the future.
•          When you spend time to get to know yourself more in-depth, you probably have clarity about what is a realistic goal for yourself. Do some internal soul searching before picking your battle to fight.
•          Have an accountability group/partners. Have you heard of mirror neurons yet? Those are the neurological structures causing us to have empathy for others or why other people's moods, emotions may influence ours. And it is not just because of mirror neurons; as humans, we have a significant influence on each other. Having an accountability partner is as if you are a team sport player and have a common goal. To win the game! Thus do not underestimate the power of accountability partners.
 
Track your goals
Tracking your goals is crucial to see and evaluate your improvement, which contributes to your motivation. Additionally, it will provide the data to make interventions and adjustments in your plans when a method is not working.
•          Keep a calendar of your goals and progress. Daily, weekly, monthly planning minimizes distraction since we are going through the era of distraction and always searching for more. Implementing planning and calendar habits will help you to stay focused on your progress
•          Divide your goals into small portions. This approach will help you to be more persistent about your consistency.
•          Accelerate the intensity and frequency of your practices. The small portioned efforts towards your goal will probably create the consistency needed. After that point, like increasing the weights you use in strength/resistance training, you can do trials of increasing the intensity and frequency of practices.
 
Be kind to yourself
Learn moving on after falling off track, which very commonly happens. It is okay to take breaks to recharge and replenish.
Whatever your goal is, always remember that it won't be more important than your health and happiness. We are in this world to experience love, pain, challenges, joy, kindness etc. All those experiences bring value that we may not appreciate at the time.

As Rumi says in his The Guest House Poem:
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

REFERENCES
 
1-Lorenza Di Pentima et al. Locus of control as a mediator of the association between attachment and children’s mental health. J Genet Psychol. 2019; 180 (6): 251-265.
 
2. What is Locus of Control. Psychology Today. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/locus-control) 

3-Daniel Z. Lieberman, MD and Michael E. Long. The Molecule of More. 2018.
 
4-Tim Blankert and Melvyn R. W. Haamstra. Imagining Success: Multiple Achievement Goals and the Effectiveness of Imagery. Basic Appl Soc Psych. 2017; 39 (1): 60-67.

Nazan Artun PhD, RPh
 
While getting prepared to write an article focusing on another subject, life threw an unexpected extremely painful challenge on me during pandemic. I lost my grandmother, my guardian angel who had literally saved my life multiple times since I was born. I was stuck at home, in Boston and was not (still not) able to travel to Ankara (Turkey) my other home. I was muddled with the rush of all sort of emotions which many were new to me, like meaninglessness accompanied by numbness.
 
Healthcare professionals have an ailment unique to them, i.e., trying self-diagnosis and cure instead of asking for help. After the loss of my grandmother, I wanted to understand what was happening to me so I could find relief from this painful emotionally imbalanced situation. My goal was to use the “emotional tagging” technique so I can have some sort of control over my realm of emotions. Before this “tagging stage”, I had to understand all these different emotions that I was drowning in. That’s how I started to write this article. According to some studies, people going through grief mostly feel like there are no transitions in between difficult emotions and you have to live them all at once as if you are in an emotional roller coaster. One moment you may think that you are in peace, and not too far from that moment you may experience a burdensome emotional confusion.
 
Grief is a type of  experience in life that cannot be described without living through it.
Some researchers have tried to define grief with distinct phases including conversion from numbness to depression in the early stages, acceptance and recovery afterwards. The transition in between stages and the severity of emotional experience differs from person to person. As Kubler-Ross – the founder of  “stages of grief” theory stated, “Our grief is as individual as our lives (1)”. Studies have found cognitive, social and existential adaptations occurring in humans going through the process of losing a loved one, and permanent changes in world views, relationships, values and personalities (2). Though there might be various emotional aspects of bereavement; guilt, remorse, sadness, numbness and meaninglessness are among the most commonly experienced. Rather than being viewed as a primarily emotional and individual process, grief is increasingly being seen as a process in which important cognitive, social and existential adjustment occurs. Mourners struggle not only with the absence of their loved one and a corresponding flood of emotions, but often with a bewildering sense of meaninglessness (3).
 
GUILT AND REMORSE AFTER LOSS
 
Self-blame, guilt and remorse are among powerful determinants of grief-specific difficulties following the loss of a loved one.  Guilt in the bereavement context has been defined as ‘‘a remorseful emotional reaction in bereavement, with recognition of having failed to live up to one’s own inner standards and expectations in relationship to the deceased and/or the death’’ (4). This is considered to be among the most difficult emotional experience following a loss (5). People always struggle with the idea that they could have done things differently after losing their loved ones. There are studies showing that emotional intensities, thought to be stages of grief, such as guilt, self-blame and regret cannot be drawn completely and may relate to depression. The grieving person can enter an internal showdown, questioning whether she/he could have prevented the death or spend more time with the lost one. This personal inquiry may lead the person to a different direction in life choices and eventually may shape his/her life differently. I have found  communicating with other people who have had similar experiences and listening to their stories very helpful in remembering that death and loss are natural processes of human life. Exchanging our experiences may be helpful to move away from guilt and like self-harming emotional situations.
 
 
The PARADOX of PLEASURABLE SADNESS
 
Psychology continues to explore the paradoxical correlation between feeling sad and satisfaction. “Why do we enjoy listening to moody music that remind us our painful experiences?” A positive correlation was found between sadness and sense of pleasure in some studies focusing on this unusual area. This relationship is thought to be rooted from sadness activating our senses and creating an intensity in our emotional state (6). Jay Michaelson believes that joy and sadness are not opposites, they coexists like two consonant notes of a complex yet harmonious chord.
 
In time, the pain or sadness attached to our grief can turn into a bond with our lost ones, and giving up on this pain might feel like you are giving up on that person. In other words, our suffering can turn into a comforting state knowing that we are still connected. Though suppressing or straining emotions is not a solution, it still may be beneficial to approach these painful attacks with self-awareness and lead us to love and spiritually centered state. Staying in touch with our memories of that person, remembering his/her values, teachings, likes, etc and keeping their belongings close to us may also fulfill the need of staying connected.
 
When I was extremely struggling with these emotions, I took a friend’s offer to chat. His question of  “What I loved most about my grandmother?” and his encouragement of speaking some of my good memories of her was a shifting moment where my pain was replaced with gratitude and love. After that moment, whenever I feel the pain of the loss sitting in my heart, I practice gratitude for the times that I spent with her. I pull a good memory from our library of memories; like lying on her knees, her playing with my hair and encouraging me against to challenges at the time. Talking about loss is not easy for both the speaker and the listener, but sharing our memories with our people of support and ones who used to know our loved one may ease our pain and make us still feel connected. Confrontation with the fact of death prompts a renewed awareness of the value of life and the need to engage fully in daily sources of life significance.
 
 
RECONSTRUCTION OF A WORLD OF MEANING
 
Confusing sense of meaninglessness is another major struggle of grieving in addition to the absence of the loved one and of emotional intensities (3).  Even under normal conditions, “What is the meaning of life?” is a weighty and complicated question for humans. During bereavement, the weight of this question can be directed from general to personal as “What is the meaning of my life?”. The phenomenon of meaning can be called all of the ideas and beliefs of the world and ourselves. This fact gives individuals the perception that their lives matter (3). Losing the meaning of life has been stated to cause psychopathological and clinical health problems. According to many psychology theoreticians, reconstruction of sense of meaning has been thought to be at the core of recovery from bereavement. There are various approaches and models in practice.
 
A psychology model explicitly labels three ways in which mourners reconstruct “meaning”: sense making, identity change, and benefit finding. The processes of sense-making by explaining why it happened, and benefit-finding play a crucial role in bereavement adaptation for many of the bereaved, and accordingly, these interventions facilitate processes of meaning reconstruction (7) . Mourners may need to direct coping efforts toward understanding the loss itself, or toward making sense of their lives, and of their surrounding world, now that the loss has occurred (3). The ability to identify benefits or “silver linings” whether or not such benefits are actually experienced is thought to promote grief recovery. Individuals who perceive benefits, meaning in bereavement have been found in some studies to experience shorter or less intense grief (3, 7)
 
In the context of reconstructing “meaning”, positive psychology helps individuals gain “the good life” rather than focusing on mental illness and psychopathology. The good life is living a happy, engaged, and meaningful life, all of which are associated with well-being, happiness, and life satisfaction (8)
 
Another approach emphasizes importance of relational well-being and relationships are considered to be at the core of meaningfulness in life. In many occasions this is experienced by connecting and valuing a matter that is larger than self, such as God or the divine Universe. Additionally, taking action to fulfil purposes and goals for inner harmony, self-worth, relatedness and belongingness are other ways of expressing meaning to life (8 ).
 
Victor Frankl, one of the most influential theoreticians of this field, realized that extremely difficult external conditions and experiences give people the opportunity to grow and mature spiritually beyond their limits. The distress of grief may in itself be viewed by mourners as a source for life’s significance, as described by Frankl in his discussion of the value of suffering. According to Frankl, three sources of meaning in life are Work, Suffering  and Love. Work or being productive can provide long-term goals that can result in deep satisfaction. Suffering can be an important source of meaning given the pain that leads to enlightment. Love is the strongest link between human beings and can lead to great inspirations and sacrifices (8).
 
Considering all these different theories focusing on the reconstruction of “meaning”, the main source of the meaning of life is mostly linked to the relationships we establish in time. Moreover, every concrete step we take to achieve our goals and objectives which contribute to our inner harmony, our self-worth and our sense of belonging can be considered as expression of the meaning of our lives. Fostering reconstruction of a world of meaning would be a priority for many bereaved individuals and alleviate complicated symptoms of grief but also renew a sense of hope and self-efficacy in their changed lives (9). For the ones going through bereavement, an approach focused on love, relationships and productivity may be helpful to restore the sense of damaged meaning.
 
 
 
 
REFERENCES

1. Redwood, D. (Interviewer). (1995). On Death and Dying: Interview with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross [Interview transcript]. Retrieved from Health.net Web site: http://www.healthy.net/scr/interview.aspx?Id=20
2. Neimeyer, R. A. (Ed.) (2001a). Meaning reconstruction and the experience of loss.Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
3. RACHEL HIBBERD. MEANING RECONSTRUCTION IN BEREAVEMENT: SENSE AND SIGNIFICANCE. Death Studies, 37: 670–692, 2013
4. Li J, Stroebe MS, Chan CLW, Chow AYM (2014) Guilt in bereavement: A review and conceptual framework. Death Stud 38: 165–171.
5. Guilt in Bereavement: The Role of Self-Blame and Regret in Coping with Loss Margaret Stroebe1,2*, Wolfgang Stroebe1,2, Rens van de Schoot3,4, Henk Schut1, Georgios Abakoumkin5, Jie Li6
6. Hanich et al. - Why We Like to Watch Sad Films. The Pleasure of Being Moved in Aesthetic Experiences. Psychology of Aesthetics Creativity and the Arts 8(2):130 · May 2014
7. Gillies, J., & Neimeyer, R. A. (2006). Loss, grief, and the search for significance: Toward a model of meaning reconstruction in bereavement. Journal of Constructivist Psychology, 19(1), 31–65
8. Xanthe Glaw 1, Ashley Kable 1, Michael Hazelton 1, Kerry Inder 1Meaning in Life and Meaning of Life in Mental Health Care: An Integrative Literature Review Issues Ment Health Nurs,  2017 Mar;38(3):243-252.
9.  Neimeyer R.A. Reconstructing meaning in bereavement: summary of a research program. Estudos de Psicologia I Campinas I 28(4) I 421-426 I outubro - dezembro 2011

Nazan Artun PhD, RPh
 
Hayatta bazı deneyimler var ki, birebir yaşamadan nasıl bir şey olduğu tam olarak anlaşılamaz. Çok sevdiğiniz ve hayatınızda önemli bir yer kaplayan bir yakınınızın ölümü ve sonrasındaki yas süreci de sanırım bu tarifi zor deneyimler arasında yer almakta. Bu süreçte duygusal bir dönme dolaptaymış gibi, bazı anlarda yaşanan kayıpla başa çıkıldığı düşüncesindeyken, takip eden başka anlarda bir dolu duygu karmaşası yaşanabilir. Bazı araştırmacılar, yas sürecini ilk dönemlerinde yaşanan hissizleşmeden depresyona dönüşüm ve sonrasındaki kabullenme ve iyileşmeyi kapsayacak şekilde belirgin evrelerle tanımlamaya çalışmışlardır. Yas sürecinden geçenlerin bu evreleri deneyimleme süreleri farklı olabilmekle beraber, bu evreler arasında gidip gelme yahut bazı evreleri atlama gibi bireysel deneyim farklılıkları gözlenebilmektedir. Sonuç olarak yas’ın evereleri teorisini bulan ünlü psikiyatrist Kübler-Ross’un dediği gibi “Yasımız/kederimiz hayatlarımız kadar bireyseldir’ (1) Yas sürecinin her ne kadar sadece bireysel ve duygusal süreç olduğu düşünülse de, çalışmalar bu süreç sonrasında insanlarda bilişsel, sosyal ve varoluşsal adaptasyonlar oluştuğunu saptamıştır. Yas sürecinden geçen bireylerin kalıcı bir şekilde dünya görüşlerinin, ilişkilerinin, değerlerinin ve kişiliklerinin çoğunlukla pozitif yönde değiştiği belirtilmektedir (2). 
 
 
Yas Tutma ve Acı Bağımlılığı
 
Psikoloji bilimi, üzgün olmanın ve acının verdiği tatmin duygusu paradoksunu hala araştırmaya devam etmektedir. Bu alanda yapılan bazı çalışmalarda, hüzün/keder ile haz duygusu arasında pozitif bir ilişki bulunmuştur. Bu ilişkinin, keder/üzgünlüğün duygusal durumumuzda bir yoğunluk oluşturup hislerimizi harekete geçirmesi sonucu olduğu düşünülmektedir (3). Jay Michaelson hüzün ve neşenin zıt olmadıklarını ve hatta karmaşık bir müzik akorundaki uyumlu iki ses gibi hayatımızda beraber yer aldığını vurgulamıştır. Bir zaman sonra, yaşadığınız yas ve acı, kaybettiğiniz insanla aranızdaki bağ haline dönüşebilir ve bundan vazgeçmek demek o insandan vazgeçmek gibi hissettirebilir. Bu durum bir nevi acı çekme bağımlılığı yahut, acı çekmenin yarattığı karmaşık rahatlık duygusu olarak da açıklanabilir. Her ne kadar yas sürecinde duyguların baskılanması yahut zorlama doğru olmasa da, bu anlara farkındalıkla yaklaşılıp, kaybettiğimiz insanla bağlantımıza daha sevgi ve manevi odaklı yaklaşabilmek uzun süreli iyileşme açısından faydalı olabilir. Kaybettiğiniz insanın hatırasını yaşatma ve onun sevip değer verdiği olumlu aktivitelere hayatımızda yer açmak; o insana ait eşyaları, varlıkları yakınınızda tutmak; sevdiklerinizle ve merhumu tanıyan sevenlerle vakit geçirmek ve kaybettiğiniz insan ile ilgili güzel anılarınızı konuşmak anlatmak paylaşmak, odağınızı acınızdan uzaklaştıramaya yardım edebilir.
 
 
Kayıp Sonrası Suçluluk ve Pişmanlıklar: Ayrılmaz İkili
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İnsanlar sevdiklerini kaybetmenin arkasından hep bir şeyleri daha farklı yapabilecekleri düşüncesiyle mücadele ederler. Suçluluk duygusu, kendini suçlama, pişmanlık gibi sınırları tam çizilemeyen duygu yoğunluklarının yas sürecinin bir aşaması olduğu düşünülen depresyon ile de bağlı olabileceğine dair çalışmalar bulunmaktadır. Yas tutan kişi, kaybedilen kişinin ölümüne engel olup olamayacağından başlayarak onunla daha fazla vakit geçirip hayatını farklı doğrultuda şekillendirmeye kadar bir iç hesaplaşmaya girebilir. Yas bağlamında suçluluk duygusu ‘ölen/kaybedilen kişi ile ilişkisine dair kişinin kendi içsel standartları bakımından başarısız olması sonucu yaşanan vicdan azabı duygusudur’ (4) Suçluluk duygusu (pişmanlık değil) bir yakının kaybı sonucu yaşanan yasın en önemli zorlukları arasında olduğu düşünülmektedir (5) Yas deneyimi yaşamış diğer insanlarla iletişim kurmak ve onların deneyimlerini dinlemek ve böylelikle bu deneyimin insan yaşamına dair doğal bir süreç olduğunun hatırlanması, insanın kendi kendine zarar veren (self-destructive) duygu kalıplarından biri olan suçluluk duygusundan uzaklaşmasına yardımcı olabilir.
 
 
Hayatın Yeniden Anlam Kazanması ve İyileşme
 
Matemli bireyler sadece sevdiklerinin yokluğu ve şiddetli duygu yoğunluğu ile değil aynı zamanda kafa karıştırıcı bir anlamsızlık hissi ile mücadele etmek durumda kalırlar. (6) Her ne kadar bazı bireyler hayatlarına anlam katan rolleri (anne, baba, çocuk, kardeş, eş vb.) ve kaybedilen kişiye ait anıları kaybetseler de, bu süreç sonunda yeni anlamlar, değerler ve hedefler keşfedip hayattaki her yeni gün için şükür duygusunda artış deneyimleyebilirler.
 
Normal şartlarda ‘hayatın anlamı nedir?’ sorusu insanlık için ağır ve karmaşık bir arayıştır, yas sürecinde bu sorunun ağırlığı genelden özele doğru yani ‘Benim hayatımın anlamı nedir?’ e yönelebilir. Anlam olgusu, dünyaya ve kendimize ait fikir ve inanışların tümü olarak adlandırılabilir (6). Bu olgu bireylere hayatlarının bir önemi olduğu hissini/algısını kazandırır (Steger, 2012). Hayattaki anlam olgusunun yitirilmesi, anlamsızlaşmanın, psikopatolojik ve klinik sağlık problemlerine yol açtığı literatürde bir çok çalışma tarafından belirtilmiştir. 
 
Gillies ve Neimeyer (2006) modeli yas tutanların hayatlarındaki anlamı yeniden inşa etmelerinin, bu deneyimi anlamlaştırma, kişilik/kimlik değişimi, bu olaylardan bir fayda/ders çıkarma olarak üç aşamaya ayırmıştır. Yeniden yapılanma modeli bireyin tüm bu yaşadıklarını nasıl yorumladığının önemini vurgulamaktadır (6,7).
 
Bu alanın önemli teorisyenlerinden Victor Frankl, son derece zor dış koşulların ve deneyimlerin insana, ruhsal olarak limitlerinin ötesinde büyüme ve olgunlaşma fırsatı verdiğinin farkına varmıştır. Frankl, hayattaki üç anlam kaynağının Sevgi, İş/çalışmak ve Acı çekmek olduğunun sonucuna varmıştır. Sevgi, insanlar arasındaki en güçlü bağdır ve muhteşem ilham ve fedakarlıklara yol açabilecektir. İş, üretmek , çalışmak ise kişiye derin tatmin ile sonuçlanabilecek ve uzun vadeli hedefler sağlayabilir. Frankl ayrıca ıstırabın aydınlanmaya yol açan acı olarak düşünüldüğünde önemli bir anlam kaynağı olabileceğini belirtir.

Pozitif psikolojinin öncülerinden Seligman ise, bir hastanın psikopatolojisine odaklanmak yerine ‘’İyi yaşam’’ kazanmasına yardımcı olmaya odaklanmıştır. İyi yaşam, mutlu, farkındalıklı ve anlamlı bir yaşam sürmektir (8). Wissing’in teorisine ve bu alanda yapılmış bir çok çalışmaya göre, sağlıklı ilişkiler, hayatın anlamlılığının merkezinde yer almaktadır. Başka bir deyişle hayatın anlamının ana kaynağı çoğunlukla kurduğumuz ilişkilerde bulunmaktadır. Ayrıca, içsel uyumumuza, öz değerimize, aidiyet duygumuza katkıda bulunacak hedef ve amaçlarımızı gerçekleştirmek için atacağımız her somut adım hayatımızın anlamının dışavurumu olarak da düşünülebilir. Bu teoriler dikkate alındığında yas sürecinden geçen bazı insanlar için sevgi, ilişkiler ve üretmek odaklı bir yaklaşım, hasar görmüş anlam duygusunun  yeniden onarılması için bir çözüm olabilir.
 
 
REFERENCES
 

1. Redwood, D. (Interviewer). (1995). On Death and Dying: Interview with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross [Interview transcript]. Retrieved from Health.net Web site: http://www.healthy.net/scr/interview.aspx?Id=20
2. Neimeyer, R. A. (Ed.) (2001a). Meaning reconstruction and the experience of loss.Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
3. Hanich et al. - Why We Like to Watch Sad Films. The Pleasure of Being Moved in Aesthetic Experiences. Psychology of Aesthetics Creativity and the Arts 8(2):130 · May 2014
4. Li J, Stroebe MS, Chan CLW, Chow AYM (2014) Guilt in bereavement: A review and conceptual framework. Death Stud 38: 165–171.
5. Guilt in Bereavement: The Role of Self-Blame and Regret in Coping with Loss Margaret Stroebe1,2*, Wolfgang Stroebe1,2, Rens van de Schoot3,4, Henk Schut1, Georgios Abakoumkin5, Jie Li6
6. RACHEL HIBBERD. MEANING RECONSTRUCTION IN BEREAVEMENT: SENSE AND SIGNIFICANCE. Death Studies, 37: 670–692, 2013
7. Gillies, J., & Neimeyer, R. A. (2006). Loss, grief, and the search for significance: Toward a model of meaning reconstruction in bereavement. Journal of Constructivist Psychology, 19(1), 31–65
8. Xanthe Glaw 1, Ashley Kable 1, Michael Hazelton 1, Kerry Inder 1Meaning in Life and Meaning of Life in Mental Health Care: An Integrative Literature Review Issues Ment Health Nurs,  2017 Mar;38(3):243-252.

 

Nazan Artun PhD, RPh
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Victor Frankl defines “Tragic Optimism” as remaining optimistic despite the tragic triad- pain, guilt and death. How is it possible to say “Yes” to life despite all these tragic events? How can life preserve its potential meaning despite its tragic aspects? According to Victor Frankl, life is potentially meaningful under any conditions, even those that are most miserable. This belief presupposes the human capacity to creatively turn life’s negative aspects into something positive or constructive. In other words, what matters is to make the best (best means optimum in Latin) of any given situation. This is an optimism in the face of tragedy and in view of the human potential which at its best always allows for turning suffering into a human achievement and accomplishment; deriving from guilt the opportunity to change oneself for the better, driving from life’s challenges an incentive to take responsible action.
 
Different Emotional Stances in Times of Crisis
 
So, what is the obstacle to the capacity of humans turning tragedies into positive experiences? Could it be the variety of the intensity of humans’ experiencing emotions in stressful times? The airplane scenario, developed by Suzanne Miller as a psychological test, which is basically a simulation of an aircraft going through a staggering turbulence; aims to assess whether people tend to be vigilant, attending carefully to every detail of a distressing event or, on the contrary deal with such anxious moments by distracting themselves out of it. These two attentional stances toward distress have very different consequences for how people experience their own emotional reactions. Those who attentively tune in to the event, unwillingly amplify the magnitude of their own reactions, especially this attendance zoom them out from their self-awareness. The result is that they experience emotions more intensely. Those who could distract themselves from the distress by attending to other activities (reading, watching, listening etc.) are able to minimize their emotional response experience. Which of these responses seems natural to us is a sign of our position of attention, which is preferred under pressure.
 
Improving Personal Leadership
 
How can all this preliminary information be associated with the most current stress factor – COVID-19 Pandemic- which affects all over the world and forces people to get used to a new norm of lifestyle? COVID-19 pandemic caught humanity unexpectedly when modern life has been moving faster than ever. Soon after waking up from the misconception that this whole situation is temporary, people are constrained to lead their social and work lives in unusual ways. Perhaps, for the first time in a long time, humans have been left alone with their realm of emotions. Ancient wisdom emphasized the necessity of being a master of self for personal growth and for what an arduous work it is. Being one’s own master can also be defined as “personal leadership ability” in the present day. This can be explained as an individual's efforts and work towards self-improvement after self-evaluation and assessment in one’s life zones conducted mostly with the help of a coach. Our thoughts, beliefs, judgements, emotional and habitual patterns formed since the day one may not make this process easy, that is why Jim Roth warns “ Every day, stand guard at the door of your mind”. It is exactly for this reason that the COVID-19 pandemic can provide individual growth from a tragedy to humans. This crisis moment of change provides an opportunity for what “Existential Flexibility” means to us, as Simon Sinek suggests, and how we can prepare ourselves for it.
 
What Can be Done?
 
Every individual is trying to deal with this pandemic trauma (this is a traumatic situation and we will see the effects soon or later) in his or her own way. Although self-improvement of an individual is a personalized path, in general, the following suggestions might be helpful:

• Following reliable resources such as the World Health Organization (WHO), Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), State Departments of Public Health etc., in order to stay up to date to comply with the rules and regulations. On the other hand not to become addicted to other speculative media sources, including social media, while trying to reach out for news and updates. Even though we are in need of connecting with each other, we can still practice digital minimalism.

• Protecting our physical and mental health is critical more than ever during stressful times. Especially if there is a serious disease factor threatening us to go in one-on-one battle with our immune system. To be more disciplined about healthy nutrition, regular sleep and exercise is absolutely needed.

• Schools are closed or have switched to online education, most companies request their staff to work from home. All these changes created new life dynamics, thus, creating new daily routines and rituals is inevitable. Nonetheless, working from home sounds tempting; it has its own challenges. Creating new office (home office) habits, and being mindful about our most productive hours (cream time) while planning our day might be useful.

• Even though we are under great constraint that limits our social and work lives, we become more flexible and free in terms of the time we can allocate to ourselves and loved ones. This means that the greatest contribution of this stressful period to individuals is the fact that now we have the opportunity to acquire new skills or to spend more time on the skills that we’d like to improve if we use our time wisely.

• Communicating regularly with our loved ones, friends and family members can be a relief to help us to feel normal especially during this period. Applying digital minimalism doesn’t mean staying away from our circle of people. Considering that 90% of our communication takes place without the help of words, making video calls might be the best communication method nowadays.

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• As a matter of course, our exposure to negative and stressful news has increased. Being aware that things may happen for a reason, we can still strive to hope and to look at our lives positively. Focusing on positives might be perceived as impermanent and insincere and moving away from reality. However, no matter how bad the situation will be, it is a basic need of human beings to think and hope that everything will improve and be OK eventually.

Nazan Artun PhD, RPh
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‘Trajik İyimserlik/Optimism” hayatta acı, suçluluk, ölüm durumlarının olmasına rağmen kişinin iyimser kalması olarak tanımlanabilir. Tüm bu trajik olaylara rağmen hayata “Evet” demek nasıl mümkün olabilir? Hayat, trajik yönlerine rağmen potansiyelini nasıl koruyabilir? Viktor Frankl’a göre hayat her durumda, hatta en sefil durumlarda bile anlamlıdır. Bu inanç, insanın yaşamının olumsuz yönlerini yaratıcı bir şekilde olumlu ya da yapıcı bir şeye dönüştürebilme kapasitesinin altını çizer. Başka bir deyişle herhangi bir durumda en iyiyi (en iyi=Latince optimum) yapmak önemlidir. Trajediler karşısında ve her zaman en iyinin olmasına izin veren yaklaşım üç madde ile özetlenebilir.
 
1- Istırapları bir insan için bir kazanıma ve başarıya dönüştürmek,
2- Suçluluk duygusunu kendini daha iyiye dönüştürme fırsatı olarak görmek,
3- Yaşamın bir sonu (fanilik) olduğunu göz önünde bulundurarak hayatımızın sorumluluğunu üstlenmek.
 
Kriz Anları ve Farklı Duygusal Kimlikler
 
Peki, Viktor Frankl’ın değindiği insanın trajedileri olumlu deneyimlere dönüştürme kapasitesinin önündeki engel nedir? Bu engelin kriz anlarında insanların duygularını deneyimleme yoğunluğu ve farklılıkları olduğu düşünülebilir mi? Temple Üniversitesinde öğretim üyesi olan psikolog Suzanne Miller tarafından geliştirilen “Türbülansa Giren Uçak Psikolojik Testi”; kriz anlarında insanların uyanık olma eğiliminde olup olmadıklarını, strese yol açan durumun her ayrıntısına dikkatle katılıp katılmadıklarını veya bunun gibi endişeli anlarla ilgilenip ilgilenmediklerini değerlendirmektedir.
 
Bu deneyde, seyir halindeki bir uçakta kaptan pilotun “Bayanlar baylar, uçağımız biraz sonra türbülansa girecektir. Lütfen yerlerinize oturun ve kemerlerinizi bağlayın.” anonsu sonrası şiddetle sarsılan uçaktaki insanların bu stresli duruma verdikleri farklı iki tip tepki karşılaştırılmıştır. Bir grup, kendisini okuduğu kitaba, dergiye ya da izlediği filme kaptırmaya devam edip, bir nevi dikkatini bu stresli durumdan uzaklaştırmaya çalışırken; diğer bir grup da acil durum kartlarını çıkarıp gözden geçirmeye başlamış, uçuş görevlilerinin davranışlarını yakından takibe alıp panik belirtileri gösterip göstermediklerine odaklanmıştır.
 
Stresli bir durum karşısında bu iki farklı dikkat duruşunun, insanların kendi duygusal tepkilerini nasıl yaşadıkları konusunda çok farklı sonuçları vardır. Baskı altındayken kendini olaya kaptıranlar, bu kadar dikkatle olaya katılma eylemiyle, odaklarının kendi farkındalıklarından da uzaklaştığı göz önünde de bulundurulduğunda, farkında olmadan, daha büyük tepkiler verebilirler. Sonuç, duyguların daha yoğun görünmesidir. Bu tip durumlarda dikkatlerini farklı olay ve etkenlere yönlendirerek dikkatlerini dağıtmaya çalışanlar ise duygusal tepkilerinin deneyimini en aza indirirler. Bu yanıtlardan hangisinin bize doğal geldiği, baskı altında tercih edilen dikkat duruşumuzun bir işaretidir.
 
Karantina Döneminde Gelişime Odaklanmak
 
Tüm bu ön bilgiler, dünyanın dört bir yanını etkisi altına alan ve insanları hiç alışık olmadıkları yeni bir normale zorlayan en önemli stres faktörü COVID-19 pandemisi ile nasıl ilişkilendirilebilir? COVID-19 salgını, özellikle modern yaşamın her zamankinden hızlı ilerlediği bir anda insanoğlunu beklenmedik bir şekilde yakaladı ve insanları alışık oldukları bütün rutinlerini bırakıp evlerinde ve birbirlerinden uzak kalmalarına zorladı. Toplum bireyleri, tüm bu sürecin geçici olduğu yanılgısından yavaş yavaş uyandıktan sonra, sosyal ve iş yaşamlarını sıra dışı bir şekilde sürdürmeye çalışmaktadırlar. Belki de insanoğlu uzun zamandır ilk kez bu kadar kendi kendiyle ve duygu dünyasıyla baş başa kalıyor. Çoğu kadim bilgi, insanın kendi efendisi olmasının en zorlu çalışma olduğunu ve kişisel büyüme için de bir o kadar önemli olduğunu vurgulasa da, teknoloji ve sosyal medya çağının yarattığı dikkat dağıtıcılarla insanoğlu bu gerçekten kaçabilme konusunda uzun zamandır iyi iş çıkarıyordu. Kişinin kendi efendisi olması, çağımız tanımlamasıyla bireysel liderlik yeteneği olarak da tanımlanabilir. Yani bireyin kendi hayatını, alışkanlıklarını, ilişkilerini, rutinlerini, duygu durumlarını mercek altına alıp kendi kendini değerlendirmesi ve gelişime ihtiyaç olan alanlarda kendine hedefler belirleyip bu konularda çalışmalar yapması olarak açıklanabilir. Dünyaya geldiğimiz andan bu yana edindiğimiz düşüncelerimiz, inançlarımız, yargılarımız, duygu ve alışkanlık kalıplarımız, bu süreci olduğundan daha da zorlaştırabilir. Tam da bu yüzden Jim Roth, “Her gün zihninizin kapısında beklemeye devam edin” diye insanoğlunu uyarmaktadır. Bu sebeplerden dolayı COVID-19 pandemisi insanoğluna bir trajediden bireysel büyüme olanağını sağlayabilir. Bu kriz ve değişim anı, Simon Sinek’in önerdiği gibi varoluşsal esnekliğin bizim için ne anlama geldiği ve kendimizi bu duruma nasıl hazırlayabileceğimize dair bir fırsat sunmaktadır. 
 
Peki, Neler Yapılabilir?
 
Her birey, pandemi travmasıyla (ne yazık ki bu travmatik bir durum ve sonuçları yakın gelecekte görülecektir) kendine özgü kişisel yollarla başa çıkmaya çalışmaktadır. Kişinin kendini geliştirmesi yine kişiye özgü bir yol olmakla birlikte genel olarak şu önerilerde bulunulabilir:

• Bu süreçte kendimizi, ailemizi ve toplumumuzu korumak ve kurallara uymak adına Dünya Sağlık Örgütü (WHO), Sağlık Bakanlığı vb. güvenilir haber kaynaklarını takip etmek en doğrusu olabilir. Aynı zamanda bilgi kirliliğine yol açabilecek sosyal medya ve diğer spekülatif kaynaklar ile mesafeli olunabilir. Her ne kadar birbirimiz ile bağlantıda kalma ihtiyacımız olsa da bu şartlarda yine de dijital minimalizm uygulamaya devam edilebilir.

• Stresli zamanlarda fiziksel ve zihinsel sağlığımızı her zamankinden fazla korumamız gerekmektedir. Özellikle bir de karşımızda bağışıklık sistemimizle birebir savaşa giren bir hastalık etkeni varsa… Bu sebeple düzenli uyku, egzersiz ve sağlıklı beslenme konusunda daha disiplinli olunmasında fayda vardır.

• Toplumun bir kesiminin evden çalışması, okulların online eğitime geçmesi ve belirli yaş grupları için sokağa çıkma yasağının olması, herkesin hayatında yeni yaşam dinamikleri oluşmasına neden oldu.  Bu değişimleri gözden geçirip yeni günlük rutinler ve ritüeller oluşturulabilir. Evden çalışmak her ne kadar cazip bir fikir olsa da kendine göre zorlukları bulunmaktadır. Bu süreç sırasında ev ofisi rutinleri oluşturulabilir. Ayrıca, gün içerisindeki en verimli saatlerimizi göz önünde bulundurarak çalışma planlanımızı oluşturabilir, böylelikle evden çalışmanın zorluklarını en aza indirgeyebiliriz.

• Pandemi sebebiyle sosyal ve çalışma hayatımız büyük bir kısıtlama altına girmiş olsa bile bu stresli dönemin bizlere en büyük katkısı zamanımızı, kendimize ve ailemize ayırabileceğimiz bir şekilde daha esnek ve özgür hale getirmiş olmasıdır. Bu durum bir fırsata çevirilip zaman akıllıca kullanıldığında, yeni beceriler edinilebilir ya da geliştirmek istediğiniz becerilere vakit ayırılabilir.

• Özellikle bu dönemde sevdiklerimizle, arkadaşlarımızla ve aile fertlerimizle düzenli iletişim kurmak alışkanlığı edinilebilir. Dijital minimalizm, sosyal çevremizden uzak durmamız anlamına gelmemektedir. İletişimimizin % 90’ının kelimelerin yardımı olmadan gerçekleştiği düşünülürse video görüşmeleri ile çevremizle bağlantıda kalmak en verimli iletişim yöntemi olabilir.

• Tüm bu süreçte doğal olarak stresli durumlara ve negatif haberlere sık sık maruz kalınsa da umut etmeye ve her şeyin ilahi bir sebebi olduğunun farkında olarak hayata olumlu açıdan bakmaya çaba gösterilebilir. Pozitife odaklanmak, çoğu birey için gerçeklikten uzaklaşmak, yapmacık ve samimiyetsiz olarak algılanabilir. Ancak durum her ne kadar kötü olursa olsun sonunda her şeyin düzeleceğini düşünmek -umut etmek- insan için temel bir ihtiyaçtır.